I want to talk about something a lot of us feel but don’t always say out loud: loneliness.
Being AB/DL can feel really good when you’re alone. You can put on a diaper, slip into little space, and find comfort that way. That’s the easy part. The hard part is finding people who truly support you, accept you, and encourage you to be yourself. That’s why so many of us share photos and stories online. We’re looking for that “I see you, you’re okay, and keep being you” feeling from others. I get it. I’ve done it too.
When I first started writing AB/DL and babyfur stories about twenty years ago, I wrote the kind of stories I wished were real. I didn’t have much real-life experience yet, so I put my dreams on the page and shared them online. It felt good when people read them. It felt like someone was finally seeing me. But the more I chased that online validation, the less time I spent building real connections. Looking back, I can see how that kept me stuck in loneliness longer than it needed to.
What finally helped me was getting out of my comfort zone. I had to travel. I had to show up at events and meet people face-to-face. That wasn’t easy. Most of us have jobs, responsibilities, and limited free time. Planning a big trip or even a long weekend can feel almost impossible. Furries often lock in their convention dates months ahead so they can take time off work. It’s harder for us to plan longer getaways with other AB/DLs. And when the event ends, the loneliness can come rushing back once the excitement fades.
I don’t have the perfect answers to combat loneliness. I’m not a therapist, and I certainly won’t pretend I am. What I can share is what has worked for me.
Nothing replaces real, in-person time with people. But you can build something steady online that leads there. I used to hop around a lot of different chat rooms and boards. Now I stick to a few Discord servers and Telegram chats where the same faces show up regularly. It feels like walking into a familiar bar and seeing your friends. I don’t push for private messages. I just sit at the digital “table,” talk, and enjoy the company. Over time, some of those people started feeling comfortable with me, and the conversations grew. Sometimes that led to plans to meet at a con or take a trip together.
I’ve also learned that group plans feel safer than one-on-one plans. When it’s just between two people, the pressure can get high. When it’s a group, everyone still has their own space, but you know you’ll all come back together at certain points. That balance has worked better for me.
If you’re feeling lonely right now, please know you’re not the only one. A lot of us have been there. Start small. Find a few places online where people feel familiar. Show up regularly. Be kind. Let connections grow at their own pace. And if you ever get the chance to meet in person, even for a short time, take it if you can.
You deserve to feel seen and accepted, not just online, but in real life too.
Take care of yourselves.