Source: Shutterstock
There’s a great conversation happening in the ABDL community right now. It started with an interview my friend Horatio Husky did with Dr. Rhoda Lipscomb for NorthShore Care. I highly recommend reading the whole thing.
Dr. Lipscomb has a PhD in clinical sexology. She is an AASECT-certified sex therapist, author, and speaker who understands ABDLs really well. What many of us found refreshing was her clear message: being ABDL is not automatically a response to trauma. You do not need trauma to validate who you are.
Here’s what she said:
“It is not indicative that people had some sort of childhood trauma or are suffering from a psychological disorder, it is just the way people are born. It is not about something going wrong in their life. Many people within the age play and ABDL communities assume that it is because of personal trauma. I often have to gently tell them that this is not what caused it, as trauma has happened to other people as well who did not become ABDL. There are also ABDLs who had very happy childhoods with minimal trauma, indicating that there is very little proof that past trauma is a leading cause of identifying with ABDL.”
That interview made me look at my own story again. I want to share it because I think a lot of us have been told — or told ourselves — that something must have gone wrong for us to like this. My experience says otherwise.
I was about three when I was potty trained. One of my earliest memories is my parents happily throwing away several bags of unopened Luvs diapers. I made a fuss. I liked wearing them. I liked having the choice. Using the toilet felt like a choice too.
My parents told me that everyone else who got potty trained was fine with the toilet, so I should be too. I gave in because I didn’t want to stand out. But the interest in diapers never left.
My childhood was pretty normal. I got bullied at school because I was shy and quiet. That wasn’t unusual. My parents always supported me. There was no link between the bullying and my interest in diapers. They were completely separate things.
I treated diapers the same way I treated comic books and trading cards — as something I simply liked. When a classmate talked about wearing pull-ups or diapers because of accidents, I was happy to talk about it with them. Some were glad to have someone who didn’t make them feel ashamed. Others felt awkward. But kids that age were more open about it. The heavy social shame hadn’t fully kicked in yet.
In kindergarten and first grade, some classmates worried a lot about having accidents. When it happened, the teacher called the parents, and the parents had to come get them. It became a big deal. I never understood why. Wet pants didn’t bother me. Sometimes I even wet myself on purpose to show solidarity. Naturally, my parents were not happy about that.
When I was about ten, I had a sleepover at a friend’s house. His other friend wore GoodNites because he wet the bed. This was not long after Kimberly-Clark launched them in 1994. The kid was excited about them. He said, “You can actually pee in this underwear. It’s so cool!” That enthusiasm spread. I asked if I could wear one. He gave me one. It fit. I didn’t wet the bed that night, but the next morning I wet myself in front of both of them. Nobody freaked out.
Looking back, the common thread is simple: I wanted the chance and to have the choice to wear and use diapers, and I liked it. That was enough.
I did go through some hard things as a kid. Most people do. But I have never used ABDL as a way to cope with trauma or to fix something broken. It was just always there. Dr. Lipscomb’s words helped me see that clearly. Plenty of people experience trauma and never become ABDL. Plenty of ABDLs had mostly happy childhoods. The idea that trauma is always the main cause doesn’t hold up.
If your interest started from choice, curiosity, comfort, or simple liking. that is valid. You do not have to dig for a painful origin story to explain yourself. You do not have to prove that something went wrong.
Some of us had hard childhoods. Some of us did not. Either way, we can still be ABDL. The interest itself is not a disorder or a symptom. It is just how some of us are.
I’m grateful to Dr. Lipscomb for saying this out loud, and to Horatio for the interview that started these conversations. It helped me put the pieces of my own life together in a clearer way.
You are allowed to like what you like without needing trauma to justify it. That is enough.