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AB/DL and Babyfur Meetup Guide

Organizing AB/DL (Adult Baby/Diaper Lover) meetups and events can be a rewarding way to connect with like-minded individuals in your community. While large-scale conventions may not happen frequently, smaller gatherings can be just as meaningful and fun. Here are some practical tips to help you plan successful AB/DL meetups and events, whether at supportive venues or in the comfort of someone’s home.

1. Start Small and Build Trust

When organizing your first meetup, it’s best to start small. Invite a few trusted friends or community members who share your interests. This helps build a foundation of trust and ensures everyone feels comfortable. As your group grows, you can expand the size and scope of your events.

Organizing your first AB/DL meetup can feel like a big step, but starting small is key to creating a safe and welcoming environment. Begin by reaching out to a handful of people you already know and trust within the community. These could be friends you’ve met online, through forums, or in local AB/DL groups. By keeping the group small initially, you can foster a sense of intimacy and safety, which is especially important in a community where privacy and discretion are often top priorities.

Building trust is a gradual process, and it starts with being an active and respectful member of the AB/DL community. Engage in conversations, share your experiences, and show genuine interest in others. Participating in local AB/DL Discord servers, Telegram groups, or other online spaces can help you establish connections and demonstrate that you’re a reliable and considerate person. When people see that you’re consistently respectful and engaged, they’re more likely to feel comfortable attending an event you organize.

It’s also crucial to be mindful of how you present yourself. The AB/DL community, like any other, has its share of individuals who may come across as overly forward or intrusive. To avoid being perceived as “creepy,” focus on building relationships naturally. Don’t pressure people to share more than they’re comfortable with, and always respect boundaries. A good rule of thumb is to let others take the lead in conversations about personal topics, especially when you’re still getting to know them.

As your group begins to grow, you can gradually expand the size and scope of your events. Start by inviting a few more people to your next meetup, or consider hosting a slightly larger gathering in a more public but still private venue, like a rented community room. The trust you’ve built with your initial group will serve as a strong foundation, and their positive experiences can help attract new attendees. Over time, you can experiment with different types of events, from casual hangouts to themed parties, always keeping the focus on creating a safe, inclusive, and enjoyable space for everyone.

By starting small, building trust, and maintaining a respectful approach, you’ll be well on your way to organizing successful AB/DL meetups that bring your community closer together.

2. Choose the Right Venue

Selecting the right venue is crucial for a successful meetup. Look for spaces that are supportive of the AB/DL lifestyle. Some options include:

Private Homes

Private homes, including vacation rentals, are often the best venues for hosting AB/DL meetups and events. They offer a level of privacy that is hard to achieve in public spaces, which is especially important for a community that values discretion. When you host an event at a private home, you have full control over the environment, allowing you to create a comfortable and welcoming atmosphere tailored to the needs of your group. This is particularly beneficial for AB/DL events, where attendees may want to engage in activities or wear attire that they wouldn’t feel comfortable displaying in public.

One of the key advantages of hosting at a private home is the ability to set the size and scope of the event. Whether you’re planning a small, intimate gathering with a few close friends or a larger meetup with more attendees, a private home allows you to adjust the space and activities to suit your needs. You can easily arrange seating, set up play areas, or create themed spaces for different activities, such as a diaper-changing station or a cozy corner for storytime.

Another benefit of hosting at a private home is the ease of establishing and enforcing guidelines for guests. In a controlled environment, you can set clear expectations for behavior, privacy, and respect, ensuring that everyone feels safe and comfortable. For example, you might ask guests to refrain from taking photos or videos, or to respect certain boundaries when it comes to physical contact. These guidelines can be communicated in advance and reinforced during the event, helping to create a positive and respectful atmosphere.

Private homes also provide the ideal setting for having the necessary supplies on hand. Whether it’s diapers, diaper-related accessories, or AB/DL-themed gear, you can ensure that everything your guests might need is readily available. This can include extra diapers in various sizes, baby powder, wipes, and even spare onesies or pacifiers. Having these items on hand not only makes the event more convenient for attendees but also helps to create a more immersive and enjoyable experience.

However, it’s important to be considerate of your neighbors and the surrounding community. While the event itself may be private, guests should dress normally when arriving and leaving the house to avoid drawing unwanted attention. This is especially important if you’re hosting in a residential area where neighbors might be curious about the comings and goings of your guests. Encourage attendees to change into their AB/DL attire once they’re inside the house and to change back into regular clothing before leaving. This simple precaution can help maintain the privacy of the event and prevent any potential issues with neighbors.

In summary, private homes, including vacation rentals, offer the perfect balance of privacy, flexibility, and control for hosting AB/DL events. They allow you to create a cozy, intimate atmosphere where guests can feel comfortable and free to express themselves. By setting clear guidelines, providing necessary supplies, and being considerate of your neighbors, you can ensure that your event is a success and that everyone has a positive and enjoyable experience.

Community Centers

Community centers and event spaces can be a viable option for hosting AB/DL meetups, but they come with certain challenges and considerations. These venues are often seen as family-friendly spaces, hosting events like children’s parties, fitness classes, or community meetings. As a result, there are societal expectations about the types of events that are appropriate for these locations, which can make it difficult to host an adults-only gathering like an AB/DL event. However, with careful planning and framing, it is possible to find community centers that are open to hosting such events.

One approach is to frame the gathering as a social or support group. Many community centers are open to hosting events that promote mental health, well-being, or community building. By presenting your AB/DL meetup as a support group for individuals exploring their interests in a safe and non-judgmental environment, you may be able to find a venue that is willing to accommodate your event. Emphasize the social and emotional benefits of the gathering, such as fostering connections, reducing isolation, and providing a space for self-expression. This framing can help align your event with the values of the community center and make it more likely to be approved.

However, it’s important to recognize that community centers are not always located in politically progressive areas. In more conservative or traditional communities, there may be resistance to hosting events that fall outside the norm, especially those involving adult themes or alternative lifestyles. In such cases, it’s crucial to assess the local climate and gauge whether the community center would be open to hosting your event. If the center has a history of hosting events for adults aged 18+—such as workshops, support groups, or social gatherings—that’s a good sign that they may be more open to your proposal.

When reaching out to a community center, be transparent about the nature of your event while also being mindful of how you present it. Avoid using terminology that might be misunderstood or stigmatized, and instead focus on the positive aspects of the gathering. For example, you might describe the event as a “social gathering for adults interested in exploring unique hobbies and interests in a supportive environment.” This approach can help you navigate potential sensitivities and increase the likelihood of securing the venue.

That said, community centers can be risky for hosting AB/DL events due to the potential for misunderstandings or backlash. Even if the venue agrees to host your event, there’s always a chance that other community members or staff might raise concerns once they learn more about the nature of the gathering. To mitigate this risk, it’s important to have a clear plan in place for addressing any questions or concerns that may arise. Be prepared to explain the purpose of the event in a way that emphasizes its positive impact on attendees and its alignment with the community center’s mission.

In summary, while community centers can be a potential venue for AB/DL events, they come with unique challenges. Framing the gathering as a social or support group can increase your chances of securing a venue, but it’s important to be mindful of the local community’s attitudes and expectations. If you’re considering a community center, do your research, approach the venue with care, and be prepared to address any concerns that may arise. In many cases, private homes or other more discreet venues may be a safer and more practical option for hosting AB/DL events.

Hotels with Private Meeting Rooms

Hotels with private meeting rooms can be an excellent venue for hosting larger AB/DL meetups and events. These spaces offer a neutral and professional setting, which can help create a more structured and comfortable environment for attendees. However, organizing an AB/DL event at a hotel requires careful planning, clear communication, and a willingness to work closely with hotel staff to ensure that the event runs smoothly and that the hotel’s other guests are not adversely affected.

One of the advantages of using a hotel for your event is that hotels are generally more accommodating when it comes to the types of activities that can take place in their private meeting rooms. As long as you are upfront about the nature of your event and what it entails, many hotels will be willing to host your gathering. This means being specific about the activities planned, the number of attendees, and any special requirements you may have, such as the need for additional privacy or specific room setups.

To ensure a successful event, it’s important to research hotels that regularly host events for adults aged 18 and over. These hotels are more likely to be open to hosting an AB/DL meetup, as they are already accustomed to catering to adult-oriented gatherings. When reaching out to potential venues, be transparent about the nature of your event while also emphasizing the steps you will take to ensure that the hotel’s other guests are not disturbed. For example, you might explain that the event will be held in a private room, that attendees will be discreet, and that you will adhere to the hotel’s policies and guidelines.

Communication with hotel staff is key throughout the planning process. Regular check-ins with the hotel’s event coordinator can help you stay on top of logistics and address any concerns that may arise. Be prepared to discuss details such as room setup, audio-visual equipment, catering options, and any special requests you may have. The more proactive you are in communicating with the hotel, the more likely they are to be accommodating and supportive of your event.

Hosting an AB/DL event at a hotel involves a lot of logistics, and it’s important to be prepared for the challenges that may come up. For example, you’ll need to consider how to manage the flow of attendees, ensure that the space is set up appropriately for the activities planned, and address any potential issues related to noise or privacy. It’s also important to have a plan in place for handling any unexpected situations, such as last-minute changes to the schedule or issues with hotel staff.

Experienced event organizers, such as those involved with BabyFurCon, can offer valuable insights into the complexities of hosting an AB/DL event at a hotel. They can provide advice on everything from negotiating with hotel staff to managing attendee expectations. If possible, reach out to organizers who have experience with similar events to learn from their experiences and avoid common pitfalls.

LGBTQ+ Bars and Clubs

In addition to private homes, community centers, and hotels, clubs and LGBTQ+ bars can also serve as excellent venues for hosting AB/DL meetups and events. These spaces are often more open-minded and inclusive, making them suitable for gatherings that celebrate alternative lifestyles and identities. Here’s why clubs and LGBTQ+ bars can be a great fit for AB/DL events, along with some tips for organizing a successful gathering in these venues.

LGBTQ+ bars and clubs are known for their welcoming and non-judgmental environments. These spaces are accustomed to hosting events that celebrate diverse identities and lifestyles, making them more likely to be supportive of an AB/DL gathering. The staff and patrons at these venues are often more understanding of alternative interests, which can help create a comfortable atmosphere for attendees.

Many LGBTQ+ bars and clubs have private rooms or areas that can be reserved for events. These spaces offer a level of privacy that is essential for AB/DL meetups, allowing attendees to express themselves freely without fear of judgment or exposure. Additionally, the overall atmosphere of these venues tends to be more discreet, which aligns with the privacy needs of the AB/DL communities.

When planning an AB/DL event at an LGBTQ+ bar, clear communication with the venue is essential. Start by being transparent about the nature of your gathering while emphasizing that the event will be respectful, private, and aligned with the venue’s values. Explain that the event is a social gathering for adults and that you will take steps to ensure it remains discreet and does not disrupt other patrons. This upfront communication helps build trust with the venue’s staff and increases the likelihood of a successful collaboration.

Reserving a private space within the venue is another key consideration. Many LGBTQ+ bars and clubs offer private rooms or designated areas that can be rented for events. Securing a private space ensures that your event remains discreet and allows attendees to feel more comfortable expressing themselves. It also helps prevent any potential disruptions to the venue’s other patrons, maintaining a positive relationship with the establishment.

Setting clear guidelines for attendees is just as important in a club or bar setting as it is in other venues. Establish a code of conduct that outlines expectations for behavior, privacy, and respect. Remind attendees to dress appropriately when entering and leaving the venue, as this helps maintain discretion and avoids drawing unwanted attention. Encourage everyone to be mindful of the venue’s other patrons and to respect the space and staff.

Working closely with the venue’s staff is crucial for ensuring that the event runs smoothly. Discuss logistics such as room setup, audio-visual equipment, and any special requests you may have. Building a positive relationship with the staff can make the planning process easier and help address any issues that arise during the event. The staff’s support can also enhance the overall experience for attendees, as they will feel welcomed and accommodated.

Promoting inclusivity should be a central focus of your event. Emphasize that the gathering is open to all members of the AB/DL community, regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, or level of involvement. By fostering an inclusive atmosphere, you create a space where everyone feels valued and respected. This inclusivity not only enhances the experience for attendees but also helps build a positive reputation for your events within the community.

Consider incorporating themed elements into your event to take advantage of the club or bar’s lively atmosphere. For example, you could host a “diaper disco” night with themed decorations, music, and contests for the best AB/DL outfits. Themed events add an extra layer of fun and creativity, making the gathering more memorable and engaging for attendees.

Finally, always respect the venue’s policies and guidelines. This includes adhering to rules related to alcohol consumption, noise levels, and behavior. By following the venue’s policies, you demonstrate professionalism and respect, which can help build a lasting relationship with the establishment. This is especially important if you plan to host future events at the same location.

3. Set Clear Guidelines

A well-crafted code of conduct is a cornerstone of any successful AB/DL meetup or event. It sets the tone for the gathering, ensures that all attendees understand what is expected of them, and provides a framework for addressing any issues that may arise. A good code of conduct should cover key areas such as privacy, consent, respectful behavior, and inclusivity. Below is a sample code of conduct with basic rules to follow, as well as examples of other codes of conduct that aspiring organizers can use as inspiration.

Sample Code of Conduct for AB/DL Meetups

1. Respect Privacy and Confidentiality

  • Do not share any personal information about other attendees without their explicit consent.
  • Avoid taking photos, videos, or audio recordings unless you have permission from everyone involved.
  • Respect the privacy of the venue and its staff. Do not discuss the event in public spaces where others might overhear.

2. Obtain Explicit Consent

  • Always ask for and receive clear, verbal consent before engaging in any physical contact or activities with others.
  • Respect the boundaries of others, and do not pressure anyone to participate in activities they are not comfortable with.
  • If someone says “no” or expresses discomfort, stop immediately and respect their wishes.

3. Be Respectful and Inclusive

  • Treat all attendees with kindness, respect, and dignity, regardless of their age, gender, race, sexual orientation, or level of involvement in the AB/DL community.
  • Avoid making assumptions about others’ interests or preferences. Allow people to express themselves in their own way.
  • Use inclusive language and be mindful of the diverse backgrounds and experiences of attendees.

4. Follow Venue Rules

  • Adhere to all rules and guidelines set by the venue, including noise restrictions, smoking policies, and areas that are off-limits.
  • Clean up after yourself and leave the space in the same condition as you found it.

5. Handle Disputes Respectfully

  • If a conflict arises, address it calmly and respectfully. If necessary, involve the event organizer to mediate.
  • Harassment, discrimination, or any form of abusive behavior will not be tolerated and may result in removal from the event.

6. Dress Appropriately

  • While AB/DL attire is welcome at the event, ensure that you dress appropriately when entering or leaving the venue to maintain discretion and respect for the surrounding community.

7. Alcohol and Substance Use

  • If alcohol is permitted at the event, drink responsibly and do not pressure others to drink.
  • Illegal substances are strictly prohibited.

8. Follow COVID-19 and Health Guidelines

  • Adhere to any health and safety guidelines in place, such as mask-wearing or social distancing, to protect the well-being of all attendees.

Examples of Other Codes of Conduct

Local AB/DL Meetup Groups
Many local AB/DL meetup groups have their own codes of conduct tailored to their specific needs and community dynamics. These can often be found on their social media pages or event listings.

BabyFurCon Code of Conduct
BabyFurCon, one of the largest AB/DL and babyfur conventions, has a comprehensive code of conduct that covers everything from harassment policies to rules about photography and consent. Their guidelines emphasize inclusivity, safety, and respect for all attendees. You can find their code of conduct on their official website.

Furry Weekend Atlanta (FWA) Code of Conduct
FWA, a major furry convention, has a detailed code of conduct that includes rules about behavior, consent, and harassment. Their guidelines are a great example of how to create a safe and welcoming environment for a diverse community.

DragonCon Code of Conduct
DragonCon, a large multi-genre convention, has a well-structured code of conduct that focuses on respect, inclusivity, and safety. Their guidelines are clear and concise, making them easy for attendees to understand and follow.

4. Plan Fun Activities

Keep your meetup engaging by planning activities that everyone can enjoy. Some ideas include:

  • Diaper Fashion Show: Encourage attendees to show off their favorite diaper designs or outfits.
  • Storytime: Host a cozy storytime session where participants can share or listen to AB/DL-themed stories.
  • Craft Corner: Set up a crafting station where attendees can decorate pacifiers, onesies, or other AB/DL gear.
  • Games and Icebreakers: Plan group games or icebreaker activities to help everyone get to know each other.

Tips for Implementing Your Code of Conduct

  • Share in Advance: Send the code of conduct to all attendees before the event, either via email or through a private group chat. This gives everyone time to review the guidelines and ask questions if needed.
  • Review at the Start: At the beginning of the event, take a few minutes to go over the code of conduct with attendees. This serves as a reminder and sets the tone for the gathering.
  • Enforce Consistently: If someone violates the code of conduct, address the issue promptly and fairly. Consistency in enforcement helps maintain trust and respect within the group.

5. Respect Privacy and Discretion

Privacy is not just a preference for many in the AB/DL community—it is a necessity. The social stigma surrounding AB/DL lifestyles can have serious consequences for individuals, affecting their personal relationships, professional reputations, and even their mental well-being. While some people may be drawn to aspects of the AB/DL community that involve elements of humiliation or public exposure, these interests are not universal, and many individuals prefer to keep their AB/DL side entirely separate from their public-facing identity. For this reason, privacy must be treated as a top priority when organizing AB/DL events.

The best hosts understand this deeply and go to great lengths to ensure that every attendee feels safe and secure. This means being proactive in protecting the privacy of your guests from the moment the event is first announced to the time everyone leaves. Here are some key strategies for maintaining privacy:

Avoid Public Forums

When planning an AB/DL event, it’s crucial to avoid sharing details in public forums where the information could be seen by people outside the community. Public posts on social media, forums, or websites can attract unwanted attention, including from trolls, judgmental individuals, or even employers or family members who might recognize an attendee. Instead, use private messaging or closed social media groups to communicate with potential attendees. These closed spaces allow you to control who has access to the information and ensure that only those who are genuinely interested and trustworthy are included.

Use Discreet Language

Even within private groups, it’s important to use discreet language when discussing the event. Avoid using terms or phrases that could be easily misinterpreted or that might draw attention if seen by someone outside the community. For example, instead of saying “AB/DL meetup,” you might refer to the event as a “social gathering” or “support group.” This helps protect the privacy of attendees while still conveying the nature of the event to those in the know.

Verify Attendees

Before sharing detailed information about the event, consider verifying the identity of potential attendees. This can be done through private conversations, references from trusted community members, or by requiring attendees to join a closed group where their involvement can be confirmed. While this may seem like an extra step, it helps ensure that only genuine members of the AB/DL community are included, reducing the risk of privacy breaches.

Set Clear Privacy Guidelines

At the event itself, set clear guidelines for privacy and confidentiality. Remind attendees that they should not share any personal information about others, take photos or videos, or discuss the event in public spaces. Emphasize that the event is a safe space where everyone can feel comfortable being themselves without fear of judgment or exposure.

Choose a Private Venue

The venue you choose plays a significant role in maintaining privacy. Private homes, vacation rentals, or hotel meeting rooms are often the best options, as they allow you to control who has access to the space. Avoid venues that are too public or that might attract curiosity from outsiders. If you’re hosting at a hotel, work closely with the staff to ensure that the event remains discreet and that other guests are not disturbed.

Be Aggressive in Protecting Privacy

The best hosts are those who are aggressive in ensuring privacy for every attendee. This means being vigilant about potential risks and taking proactive steps to address them. For example, if you notice someone taking photos without permission, address the issue immediately. If an attendee seems uncomfortable or unsure about the level of privacy, take the time to reassure them and explain the measures you’ve put in place to protect their identity.

Follow Up After the Event

After the event, continue to prioritize privacy by following up with attendees to ensure that no information has been leaked. Encourage attendees to reach out if they have any concerns or if they notice any breaches of privacy. This ongoing commitment to privacy helps build trust within the community and ensures that attendees feel comfortable returning to future events.

Why Privacy Matters

For many in the AB/DL community, their interest in this lifestyle is deeply personal and often kept separate from their public lives. The fear of being “outed” can be paralyzing, leading some individuals to avoid events altogether. By prioritizing privacy, you not only protect your attendees but also create a space where they can explore their interests freely and without fear. This is especially important for those who may be new to the community or who are still coming to terms with their AB/DL identity.

In summary, privacy is not just a courtesy—it is a fundamental aspect of organizing AB/DL events. By being mindful of the social stigma surrounding the community and taking aggressive steps to protect the privacy of your attendees, you can create a safe, welcoming, and inclusive environment where everyone feels comfortable being themselves. This commitment to privacy will not only enhance the experience for your guests but also help build a positive reputation for your events within the AB/DL community.

6. Consider Safety and Comfort

Ensure that your meetup is a safe and comfortable space for all attendees. Provide clear information about the venue’s accessibility, parking, and any other logistical details. If you’re hosting at a private home, make sure there are enough restrooms and seating for everyone.

Creating a safe and comfortable environment for your AB/DL meetup is one of the most important responsibilities of an event organizer. Attendees should feel not only welcomed but also secure and at ease, knowing that their needs have been thoughtfully considered. This begins with providing clear and detailed information about the venue’s logistics, including accessibility, parking, and other practical details. When attendees know what to expect, they can plan accordingly and arrive with confidence.

Accessibility is a critical factor to consider when choosing a venue. Ensure that the space is accessible to individuals with mobility challenges, including those who may use wheelchairs, walkers, or other assistive devices. This means checking for ramps, elevators, and wide doorways, as well as accessible restrooms. If the venue has limitations in this area, communicate this to attendees in advance so they can make informed decisions about their participation. For those who may need additional accommodations, such as quiet spaces or sensory-friendly areas, consider how you can incorporate these into your event planning.

Parking is another important logistical detail to address. Provide clear instructions about where attendees can park, including any designated parking areas, street parking options, or public transportation access. If parking is limited, consider carpooling arrangements or rideshare options to help reduce the burden on attendees. For those traveling from out of town, include information about nearby hotels or accommodations, as well as directions to the venue.

If you’re hosting the event at a private home, take extra care to ensure that the space is comfortable and functional for the number of attendees. This includes making sure there are enough restrooms to accommodate everyone, as well as ample seating and space for socializing. If the event will include activities such as diaper changes or dressing up, designate specific areas for these activities to maintain privacy and organization. Additionally, consider the layout of the home and how it can be arranged to facilitate easy movement and interaction among attendees.

Safety is another key aspect of creating a comfortable space. Ensure that the venue is free from hazards, such as loose cords, slippery floors, or cluttered walkways. If the event will run into the evening, make sure the space is well-lit, both inside and outside. For events at private homes, consider providing a designated area for personal belongings, such as coats or bags, to prevent them from being misplaced or mixed up.

Comfort also extends to the atmosphere of the event. Consider the temperature of the venue and whether it can be adjusted to suit the preferences of attendees. Provide refreshments, such as water, snacks, or light meals, to keep everyone energized and hydrated. If the event will last several hours, plan for breaks where attendees can relax and recharge.

Finally, communication is key to ensuring that attendees feel safe and comfortable. Provide a detailed schedule of the event, including any planned activities or breaks, so attendees know what to expect. Encourage attendees to reach out with any questions or concerns before the event, and be available to address any issues that arise during the gathering. By being proactive and attentive to the needs of your attendees, you can create a welcoming and enjoyable environment that fosters connection and community.

In summary, ensuring that your meetup is a safe and comfortable space for all attendees requires careful planning and attention to detail. From accessibility and parking to seating and restrooms, every logistical aspect of the event should be thoughtfully considered. By prioritizing the comfort and safety of your guests, you can create a positive and memorable experience that encourages attendees to return for future events.

7. Promote Inclusivity

Make your meetup welcoming to all members of the AB/DL community, regardless of their level of experience or involvement. Encourage attendees to share their interests and preferences, and be open to feedback on how to make future events more inclusive.

8. Network and Collaborate

Building connections within the AB/DL community can help you organize even better events in the future. Collaborate with other organizers, share resources, and learn from each other’s experiences. Networking can also help you discover new venues, activities, and ideas for your meetups.

9. Gather Feedback

After the event, ask attendees for feedback on what they enjoyed and what could be improved. This will help you refine your planning process and make future meetups even more successful.

10. Have Fun!

Finally, remember that the goal of an AB/DL meetup is to have fun and connect with others who share your interests. Don’t stress too much about making everything perfect—focus on creating a welcoming and enjoyable atmosphere for everyone.

By following these tips, you can organize AB/DL meetups and events that bring your community together in a safe, supportive, and fun environment. Whether you’re hosting a small gathering at home or a larger event at a venue, the key is to prioritize inclusivity, respect, and enjoyment for all attendees. Happy planning!

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