CW: Discussions of death
Today, I want to share something deeply personal with you.
In July, I experienced a profound loss, and I found myself navigating the stormy seas of grief. In July, I lost my mother, after she battled a myriad of health issues. Also this year, I lost my uncle and two beloved pets. Yesterday, I received news that is forcing me to prepare for more hardship in the days and months ahead.
As many of you know, I have a small biological family, with no siblings or extended family to lean on during this challenging time. However, I am incredibly fortunate to have found a chosen family within the babyfur community, who have been my lifeline and support system during a prolonged period of grief.
When I went to BabyFurCon this year, the experience I had there served as a wonderful reminder for why I’ve remained in the community for 20 years. They wear their hearts on their sleeve. They lean in on personal vulnerability and supporting the vulnerable. I saw people holding onto their favorite stuffed animals, relaxing in the playpen, dressed comfortably pursuant to their true identity. Though I’m not an age-player, I recognize and relate to the notion that the babyfur community allows us to collectively and safely unravel the complexities of adulthood.
It’s not that we don’t broach adult subjects, but we do so with our unique style of mindfulness. We’re living in the moment. We’re present in the moment. Traumas and challenges bring us together, including grief.
Grief is a complex and multifaceted emotion. It can leave us feeling isolated, overwhelmed, and utterly exhausted. In the wake of my losses, I found myself grappling with these feelings, unsure of how to cope. But it was the outpouring of love and support from the babyfur community that helped me find my footing again.
This year’s BFC, I was a volunteer. I had volunteers — even the con chairs — taking time out of their busy schedules organizing the con to check in on me, ask how I’m doing, and be a supportive ear. Before the con, I hadn’t met most of them in-person. They could’ve easily said, “Leo is going through some things. Thoughts and prayers,” and move about their day. But they gave me support and comfort I didn’t expect. At a certain point, with all my cards laid on the table, I accepted their support and comfort with open arms. And I made it profoundly clear to them that I would reciprocate unconditionally when the time they need support arises.
The babyfur community has always been more than just a group of people with shared interests. It is a vibrant, caring, and deeply empathetic family. When I needed them the most, they rallied around me, offering comfort, understanding, and unwavering support. They created a safe space for me to express my feelings openly, without judgment or expectation.
One of the most powerful aspects of the babyfur community is its ability to embrace and nurture the inner child within us all. In times of grief, it can be incredibly healing to connect with that part of ourselves. I don’t necessarily find solace in regressing, but I find solace from the process of working on myself to achieve the purest form of myself — and that requires allowing myself to be vulnerable and cared for. The community was there to support me, to remind me that it was okay to need help, and that I didn’t have to face my grief alone.
The outpouring of love came in many forms. There were messages of support, virtual playdates and meetups on VRChat, care packages, and even hand-drawn cards. Each gesture, no matter how small, reminded me that I was loved and that I belonged. The community’s collective embrace was a beacon of light guiding me through the darkest nights.
In the depths of my grief, I also found comfort in writing. I have always believed in the power of storytelling. Pouring my emotions onto the page became a cathartic release, a way to process and understand my feelings. The babyfur community encouraged and supported my creative outlet, providing an opportunity for me to share my work and connect with others who understood my journey.
Grief is not a linear process, and there are no shortcuts or quick fixes. But with the love and support of the babyfur community, I have found the strength to face each day, to honor my feelings, and to begin healing. They have shown me the true meaning of chosen family, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
If you are currently navigating grief, please remember that you are not alone. Reach out to your community, whether it’s the babyfur community or another group that resonates with you. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, to ask for help, and to accept the love and support that is offered.
Thank you, my dear readers, for being a part of my journey. Your support and understanding mean the world to me. Together, we can face the challenges that life throws our way, knowing that we have a chosen family to lean on.
With heartfelt gratitude,
Crinkle Cat