How to Explain AB/DL and Diapers to People Who Don’t Understand (Without Scaring Them Away)
If you’re part of the Adult Baby/Diaper Lover (AB/DL) community, you’ve probably had that moment: someone notices your padding, sees a pacifier clip, or just asks the innocent question, “So… what’s with the diapers?” Suddenly your heart races. You want to be honest, but you also don’t want to be judged, misunderstood, or worse, have the conversation shut down immediately.
Good news: it is possible to talk about AB/DL in a way that’s respectful, clear, and actually helps the other person understand. I’ve done it many times, including with a hotel staffer at BabyFurCon 2024 who ended up becoming part of our community the following year. Here’s the exact approach I use (and that thousands of others in the community have found helpful).
1. Wait for Genuine Curiosity (Consent Matters)
Never dump this on someone who hasn’t shown interest. The best conversations happen when the other person asks first. That question is their consent to learn more. If they’re not asking, they’re probably not ready.
2. Start with Gratitude and the “Adult” Part
When someone asks, begin by thanking them:
“Thank you so much for asking, most people are afraid to!”
Then immediately emphasize the adult in Adult Baby/Diaper Lover.
“This is something consenting adults do. It has absolutely nothing to do with children. It’s about adults choosing to step away from adult stress for a little while and feel taken care of again.”
3. Explain the Mindset First (Not the Gear)
People can wrap their heads around stress relief easier than they can wrap their heads around diapers.
“Adult life is hard, bills, jobs, trauma, responsibility. Sometimes the most relaxing thing in the world is to let someone else be in charge for a bit, to play, to feel little again. It’s like the ultimate form of self-care or escapism. Think spa day, but instead of a massage, it’s coloring books and cartoons.”
This frames it as a coping mechanism or hobby, which most adults can relate to.
4. Talk About Diapers Second, and Lead with Convenience
Diapers are the sticking point for 99% of people because we’re taught “diapers = babies or incontinence.” Flip the script:
“Diapers are mostly about convenience and permission to fully relax. When you’re deep in that carefree headspace, it’s a hassle to stop everything and find a bathroom, especially at a convention or party. Wearing protection means you never have to interrupt the fun, you can just let go. It’s the same reason people love sweatpants or onesies, ultimate comfort and zero judgment.”
Most people instantly get the “I hate public restrooms” angle. That’s your bridge.
5. Only Mention the Sexual Side If They Bring It Up, and Keep It High-Level
If they ask “Is this… sexual?” don’t lie, but don’t go graphic.
“For some people it is, for others it isn’t, just like any other kink or fetish. Think of it like someone who wears leather or latex during intimacy. The diaper is just another piece of clothing that helps some adults feel playful or vulnerable in a way that turns them on. It’s still between consenting adults.”
Using BDSM analogies works because most adults over 25 have at least seen Fifty Shades or a meme about handcuffs. It normalizes it.
6. Normalize It as a Hobby That Coexists with Real Life
Close strong with everyday normalcy:
“We’re teachers, engineers, parents, soldiers, just regular people. This is something we do in our free time to unwind, the same way someone else might put on a football jersey, paint their face, and scream at the TV on Sunday. It’s a ritual that helps us recharge so we can go back to being responsible adults on Monday.”
Real-Life Example: The Bartender at BabyFurCon
At BabyFurCon 2024, the host hotel bartender finally asked, “Okay, what are you people all about?” I used exactly the steps above. Twenty minutes later he admitted he used to wet the bed as a kid, never felt ashamed of it, and had always been curious. He asked, “Can you diaper me?” I did (with full consent and in a private changing area), and the next year I saw him at the con, padded and smiling.
That’s the power of calm, shame-free education.
Final Tips for the Conversation
- Stay relaxed and confident, shame is contagious. If you act like it’s no big deal, they’ll mirror that.
- Use “some of us” instead of “we” if you’re not sure they’re ready to lump you in yet.
- Let them steer. Answer only what they ask.
- Have an exit line ready: “Happy to answer anything else you’re curious about, no judgment here!”
Talking about AB/DL doesn’t have to be scary. When you lead with empathy, consent, and relatable analogies, most people walk away thinking, “Huh. That actually makes sense.”
And sometimes, just sometimes, you get to welcome a brand-new little into the community.
| Have you ever had a great coming-out conversation about being AB/DL? Drop your tips or success stories in the comments or on Bsky and tag @crinklecattales!, let’s help each other get better at this. And if you like this guide, check out my other guides! |